I am lost between happiness and direction without a doubt. My
extreme forward motion in this time thankfully is guarded by my core
principles. I would love to heavily date, have glorious sex and wake up
with a woman next to me and have a true plan in life, but alas it is not yet.
Soon to be casting off an old sinking ship is a small skiff; I will re enter
this world like a newborn. There is opportunity, time, lust, pleasure, and pain
coming for sure. I tow with me not a broken relationship, but the lessons of myself,
my father and all before me. I was the last in the family name and have
produced an offspring of male gender who is now his task to continue on the
family blood line. I have given my all, although not always the best for
others, but it was my best. Never mean, cruel or a soul who uses others as a
stepping stone, I took the hard path and do not regret it. This firm path was
on the strength of my forefathers and someday will just be a bit of dust left
here on earth. I still can look in the mirror at myself with the proud stare I
had when I started the mature part of this journey and do so with no out being
scared of the future or my current surroundings.
I have someone who
cares for me now, but I dare not shake my inner tree by breaking my cardinal
rule for keeping faithful to the end of a relationship. Where it goes after it
is very soon over, who knows, but it is comforting now to know there is someone
solid who cares about me. Thankfully I can gather from my inner sanctum of
lesson passed down from elderly gentlemen and ladies, pieces of this vintage
past which I surround myself in and the feeling I have of the past in my blood
to guide me.
I guess Peace
maybe coming at last.
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