Ok, I think I am getting happy again. There are people who
care and each one at different levels of thoughtfulness and compassion. Coming
back sure has not been easy and I wish to thank all my friends for being true,
full of compassion and for just being there. Where did they all the notion to
contact me when I did not ask for help? I just don’t know how it happened, but
I am glad it did.
Lost it all and now I'm back. I have a great warm feeling from
my friends who have turned out to be closer than the phrase “extended family”.
I have always seen a light of optimism, but now the light is
very bright and most of all I found I did not lose a part of me I was not even
worried about, for if I lost it would have been fine, the ability to love. I am
not looking for what I was when I was younger, the crazy lust, incredible
beauty with the possibility of finding someone on my mental level. Well I took
on a first wife which was a complete beauty (model) which was a major project
mentally. It did not work and she went off the deep, deep end on drugs, never
to come back as the person I married. My second wife and mother of my children is
an incredible beauty, wonderful mother and very intelligent. She just wants to
go her own way and I respect her for that. She loves me for sure; she is just
not “In love with me” the way it takes to have a functional marriage. I
understand it, I didn’t want to, but let bygones be bygones and move on. In all
relationships I took care of everything (except we jointly raised wonderful children
in my second marriage) and now I am done being the slave that I made of myself.
Just knowing I am fine, understanding my pasty relationships
with the support of so many has enabled me to move on and give me confidence. I
think I am getting happy again this Vintage Man.
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