It's march 22nd again

It’s 6:30 on March 22 again in my life. It’s not so good but surely, not so bad.  I don’t live in memory. I create memories.  I have a great job, paid extremely well, but I am extremely good at what I do. And I do at working only part time. I find myself in the quiet. I have a good amount of time off and I spend it alone. No, by quiet I don’t mean in a solitary room looking at the ceiling for hours, I mean the world of conversation during this time is blank. I talk all day am crazy nuts, always making people laugh, on the phone or in person  talking to and around business people around the world, but when it’s over and I am done there is quiet. I love quiet and reading a book or listening to music (I am a huge lover and collector of all types of music), but I am alone and the quiet of personal life just sucks me in. I have and have had tons of friend of which many have and do call me their best friends, but I am ready for a new.

I am separated from a young wife who is trying to find herself. I have let her go and do this, and she is finding herself, but without me. As I have accomplished so much in my life, it intimidates her for some reason and she would ask a person on the street for their conversation or advice before. She is a good woman and a great mother, she just lovers her career and possible opportunities in life more than me now. We don’t fight, we have a couple of teenage kids who are very intelligent and dare I say this, have NEVER done anything wrong. No kidding, never anything you could call out and say “what are you doing, or you did what”. Very hi IQ’s and act like it. It’s a wonderful thing to participate and watch them go forward, of which they are doing all the time.

Divorce is for sure. There is fighting or haggling. I will take care of her more than a lawyer would ask for and we are both in total agreement on almost every subject. It’s just the difference from being in love and just saying”I love you” because you have been together for 15 years.

I give and rarely take, it’s just me. I ask for nothing, but there is a line as I am a man that would not stay there in hope and pain. I have way too much to give to just be in a holding pattern.

So the quiet is where I am. I am fine here, but hardly satisfied. I almost left, but it would be cruel to some, and I am not cruel. So I am a Vintage Man. I could walk away and screw her and deal with courts, child support, arguments and pain given and taken. But that’s not what a real man does. I will take care of more than my due and stay faithful till it’s over which is soon. I have never cheated on anyone, girlfriend or wife, for I believe that if you want to have relations with another,  break up or get divorced as you never do that to another.

So it’s time for a new, and to do this, I gather everything from my wits to my collected possessions and pull it tightly to my heart. It’s amazing I can function through this I think. I dance around like I am half my age, dress in vintage clothes all the time, sing to people out loud when some strange sound enters my head from an old vintage recording and wonder what will come next. What will it be? Not when will it be.

I am listening to 1961 King Curtis on vinyl. (Of course on vinyl!) I am sitting in a Pierre Paulin chair from the sixties, drinking Sake and talking her to myself or anyone who happens on this, if they ever do. It’s interesting that this is accessible to the world, but maybe nobody will ever view it. Charming thought don’t you think? I know none of you and of course you don’t know me and I don’t even know how this all works in a blog, I am just doing it.

Does anyone have this problem that they think 5 times faster than they can write or speak, all the time? I guess that is why I cannot sit here and go over my writing in this blog looking for spelling, punctuation, sentence structure or incomplete thought. I incomplete thought a lot people must think. It’s not that it’s just my mind thinking so fast I have solved whatever I was thinking of, placed in my head the possible alternatives and continued on later taking out the internal part of my thought process. I hope that made sense!

It’s a new open slate for me. It’s no different that when I was forty and started my last relationship with my wife. I mean it! I don’t feel older; everyone says I don’t look my age. I have boundless energy. I don’t want stay at a certain thought pattern while the world goes around me. I invent, I explore, and I challenge life and seize the day, every day! I find myself watching other nap while I do things. I only sleep 6 hours maybe on a special day 7 hours, but I could lay with someone all day, if they were someone that is. I am in my starting blocks and ready to go, but I am settled and would be satisfied if I never left them. For I have had an incredible life so far and if this is it and I am to meet my maker it would not be with regret or fear.

Most people think days are short and time passes quickly. I do not. I believe in using my senses. I listen to everything from nature to small sounds of the mechanical or artificial world around me. I love touch! I love the outdoors! I cannot garden with gloves on as I must touch the dirt and plants with my hands. I think of how I was taught by my grandfather and it is how I proceed. Slowly with many of the tools I have from him. I am in awe of the world around me. The items I have seen and the detail of it all is art in life. I completely understand this even more as my mother at 87 is blind from treatment from a brain tumor.

It is here where I am the vintage man. The items I have collected from many eras gone by. The direct stories I have slithered my way into by talking to anyone, especially the ones most would not dare to!

I think of responsibility, honor, caring and compassion and live my life as free as possible. Learn from the past, reflect on the past, touch it, adhere to the good of the past, but live in the now.