The proverbial "Knife in the Brain"
Well here I go again. I'm moving. It's getting crazy! I picked up
my thing (all in 10 minutes or less) and shifted my weary bones upstairs into
the spare room and out of the bedroom. It was dark in there and I don't mean
from the lights or windows! She got me to return and dickshit here bought the
farm, all the cows, pigs, animal shit and all! I was ready to break the barrier
I said I would not cross. She said she was ready. I gave it 200%, but she just
wallowed in the past and hung onto it with dear life. What the fuck is back
there? What the hell can anyone do about it? Who wants to live it over
again?
Well back to the move which is not
escaping. I'm here, let's give it a try. I moved out of respect and caution for
her feelings. She was not ready that's for sure! So give her some space and
extend compassion and understanding even if she is showing none. I have time.
Time moves very slowly as hours crawl by and clouds are motionless. I have
learned how to enjoy each moment and there was no enjoyment waiting for her to
find the light. I sure could not help her find it. She has to find her own way
even if it is failure to me but a win for her.
This may make sense to nobody but me and I wish she could hear me
without all the prejudices from the past to cloud her mind. My discussions are cryptic
as each and every word I mutter is dissected and responded to adding the
inflection of my voice and movement of any part or multiple parts of my body
from a critical review. Who live like that? It feels like a knife stuck in by
brain, hence the picture of my how it feels upstairs in my HEAD…………..
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